I am now for sure that Aiathias will not be coming back anytime soon. Or even at all. I am going to try to keep his plants alive just in case he comes back. Aiathias said it would be okay if I played with someone I knew and I know Silvyn even if he was a jerk and I wanted to punch his face in when we first met him. Something changed. Maybe it is me. Maybe it is him. He is fun to be around even though when Aiathias sees us together he hates it. I wish he would change his mind. I need to get my mind off this stuff. Maybe actually work on riding and fighting up in Icecrown. Get ready for the siege on the citadel. Blood and fighting will be fun.

I came home to an empty inn room the other night. Aiathias was gone. A few of his plants were left though, maybe he will come back for them? I hope so. Maybe he just needs some time alone after finding me in the swamps with someone else. He said it would be fine before. It wasn't some stranger I just met! I hope he just needs time. We'll have to see how long it lasts. I don't know how to keep these plants alive without him...

Aiathias and I finally found a mage to separate us, getting rid of this long standing curse we've had for years and years. We've been sort of free for quite some time. I really enjoy being able to do errands and other things without him always by my side. This doesn't mean that I have left him. Always be there for Aiathias, even if we're both acting incredibly stupid. I should write some things here, it's been interesting since becoming free.

Aiathias has been worrying me. Ever since that night at the Drunken Kodo where Jo disappeared he's been upset. A few other things have gone wrong and they are probably all connected. He even stabbed me! Out of no where too. I didn't even deserve it. I need to get to the bottom of his problem. I'm not that great of s problem solver though.

Aiathias asked me what I thought about getting a permanent place in Dalaran or nearby. I don't know. It would be more convenient, less costly and private. But then again, it's a place. With Aiathias. With someone for that matter. I haven't had a permanent residence in years. Sure, there was always with my "parents" but my true home was always on the road traveling and fighting. It's so weird and different. Maybe that's why I can never keep with someone for very long.

Decided to go into the Underbelly, or the stinking sewers of Dalaran, today. We hadn't really went down there and there were plenty of people making a whole nother life down there. It was interesting. Until we came across two other death knights. One was Chi'Va, the troll who helped Aiathias talk me into eating almost that whole roasted pig one day, and then another, Bellarai. He was very cold like I was, but he was like ice or snow in appearance. He made some sense as we spoke, talking about keeping things in check and not denying who I was or what I want and need because it may all explode at once. That has happened. I've hurt Aiathias plenty of times because I have "gone off the deep end". So once we parted ways with Bellarai, Aiathias and I went "hunting" for some different meats so he could cook them up while we were out on assignments or in the field, away from the comforts of Dalaran.

I now have a water skin filled with mammoth blood. Just in case I need it. It's something from the past, when I was training, that calls to me. Not a lot, but maybe a little will help curb the pain I cause.

We've been busy. So much has happened that I haven't gotten to write everything when it happens as I usually do. This entry may be spotty cause it's been a few days but I will try. If this is to keep my memories when I forget them eventually I'm doing a poor job of writing them.

Helped Jo a lot. She fell off a cliff while fighting some humans and surrounded herself in an ice block. Poor girl. So she was hurt pretty bad and brought back by a half naked troll. Either way, we found her in Dalaran and got her into our room. She's stayed with us quite a bit in Dalaran even though she does not like it. It is just an Inn after all. We did get a paladin to come by and partially heal her. Also had a few others stop by the room. I guess we did cause quite a commotion.

Later on Jo wasn't getting better. She just kept getting worse so Aiathias found that priestess, Lilith and she cured Jo. Jo got up and acted like nothing was wrong! I am glad she was able to do that, despite our past differences.

Right after J got better, Aiathias and I went to Nagrand for therapy. I don't know why he kept calling it therapy. All we did was kill and kill, getting it out. It did, admittedly, feel good. We spent a few days out there. I really do like Nagrand. Generally it's peaceful and it's very green. I don't get too hot or too cold (not like there is such a thing) out there. Though, we were able to get large riding talbuks from the local brown skinned Orcs. They are very attractive animals. I had gotten used to not feeding my charger since it's just bones so this will be a change.

Speaking of pets, I got a little stowaway in my pack a few days ago. There were a few eggs I was keeping for Aiathias to cook later and then while in Dalaran, my pack was moving around. A small drake was in there, just hatched. He's been keeping Aiathias' cat company when we cannot keep the two around. It is too dangerous to adventure into the heart of the Peaks or Icecrown with a kitten and a whelp. Though, I think mine would do just fine!

Been staying off and on with Jo. She said we could stay at her place for a bit to get us away from Dalaran. We keep going back to Dalaran for business though so sometimes a stay at the Inn is more convenient. We hadn't seen Jo around for a bit except for getting the occasional letter until earlier today.

Jo's been upset about something. She won't explain what. I'm so bad with upset and crying girls. I'm helpless. I don't know what to do. I gave her a hug and tried to do what I could for comfort but I don't think it helped much. There are just somethings that don't work out and then it's hard to get over it. I know. I can't blame her.

Three words: Frostberries And Cream.

I decided that we needed to get out of Dalaran and maybe try socializing again. Dalaran has turned into a bad place for us. At least I think it's becoming that. So we decided to go back to the Kodo where that one elf spit on Aiathias. It was a bit of a trip (luckily Dalaran's mages have set up portals). I am very glad we went there.

As soon as we got there, the Troll that Aiathias had won for me to go on a date with saw him and started talking to us immediately. I didn't say much, I think I was nervous since he had given the date away and she didn't need to speak to us or be friendly but she was. Mari'jo or Jo is her name. SHe was very friendly and even stuck up for us when the spitting elf started making rude comments about us. It's like she doesn't care what we were or are. She likes us for who we are inside.

Later on in the night the same Priest, Lilith approached me. Again with the light. She is an idiot. The light isn't a sentient being. Well, obviously. We went round and round and finally ended when some of her friends got distracted by something else. Again, I wasn't much paying attention.

We left shortly after, Jo leading Aiathias and I to a nice spot across the water and sat there talking, admiring the water and the stars until it got way too late and Aiathias and Jo were getting tired. I can't sleep well but I had no choice. I also could have slept on that beach but Jo conjured up a portal to Shattrath since she insisted we not stay in Dalaran (I'm secretly happy we didn't).

Jo is nice... and I tricked her to sleep with Aiathias and I in the same bed. It was nice to cuddle and sleep with someone else who doesn't hate you. In the morning Aiathias somehow found an oven under her mess of gadgets and parts and made pancakes. They were so good but I have a feeling that Jo didn't like them much. I want to stay here again sometime. Was a nice place away from our recent horrors with a nice Troll lady being the plus.

I stood there and watched.  I watched my brother Aiathias get violated.  I tried to do something but it wasn't enough.  I fought off the jerk's ghoul for most of it while he heckled me.  I can only be there for him now.  I think getting away from people like that is good.  I think we should get away from the Legerdemain.  He knows where our rooms are.

I'm in another room now.  I can't stand to be in the same room as him.  He wanted to leave me.  I woke up in so much pain.  He didn't even notice because of his damned medicine.  I don't think he understands.  It hurts so much.  Physically and otherwise.  I can't handle this.  I checked on him throughout the day and all he did was sleep so I took my own walk.  It hurt so much and he finally felt it.  He finally came to find me.  I deal with pain my way and he can deal with it his.  Maybe one day I can leave too.  Maybe one day I won't care as much and can finally overcome it.

Found Aiathias bundled up under blankets in the corner of our room in the Legerdemain.  He was crying and freaking out when I got close to him.  I know I said some things last night but that other death knight provoked me.  I couldn't help it.  The other part of me emerged a little and I knew it.  I didn't forget about it like I usually do.  I said he belonged to me.  He does, in a sense.  It upset him.  A lot.

Later he sent his ghoul on an errand that I later found out was for some medicine.  He hurt his back pretty badly when he faint apparently.  I hope they work and he gets better and we can go back to doing things out in the field.  I'm getting restless sitting around in the Inn and at the bar.

I hate meeting people sometimes.  While looking over some gems at the jeweler's in Dalaran and going over some of the newer designs we met another death knight.  I never got his name but he was very friendly.  VERY.  FRIENDLY.  His skin was an ashen tone similar to Aiathias and I but he was very bent on spending the night with me and then later with Aiathias.  If I was not involved right now I would have been in his bed last night.  But that's not the point.  He said some things that did not agree with Aiathias and I think the shock caused him to faint.  I took him back to the Legerdemain to rest up.  Got us a room.

Then I looked for that jerk.  I found him.  Sitting there.  Smug.  Ordering drinks like nothing happened.  Ordered me one too.  I tried to push his smug face onto the ground but only failed.  He offered me a drink.  No way.  Not taking something from him.  He got real cozy with me.  I hate to admit it but my body was very tempted.  I can't.  I never have and never will.  No way.  I tried to fight the jerk when he threatened Aiathias.  I may have slipped up once or twice when talking.  We could have trouble.  Hopefully we don't.  Good thing he doesn't know about the curse or else Aiathias would be a lot easier to find.

I am very certain now that Aiathias knows of this journal.  I've been cutting down on writing in it for that sake and for the sake of being around him a lot lately.  My spare time has been used up so not a lot of time to spend writing here too.  Though I do now have a favorite activity.  Seems we're always battling over a ruined fortress smack in the middle of Northrend and the Horde is always needing people to defend it since the Alliance are trying to take it.  Getting to bash in new heads is definitely different and fun!

I did get sick earlier this week.  I was trying to impress Aiathias and a Troll, Chi'Va.  They egged me on and later, so sick.  I think I won't be able to eat pig or boar for a while now.

Aiathias woke up.  Well, more like snapped back to talking and reacting.  He's fixed.  For now.  I don't expect him to forgive me for what I did.  Or to trust me again.  We have to live with it.  The guilt, the problems, etc.  I also contacted our parents.  They did not know they were going to see us, only an anonymous visitor.  We've been cast aside by them.  We're evil.  On one hand, I agree with them.  After what I did to Aiathias, It's more like one and a half hands.  They told truths through yelling and crying.

I have no parents.  I never did.

Aiathias has seen no change yet.  I'm very worried.  At least he will eat if I force him to.  I am a horrible person for doing this to him.

I broke him.  In Icecrown I snapped and broke him.  My poor brother.  I wish we had never gone to this place.  I wouldn't have done what I did.  I want to kill myself for my actions but it would leave him alone and I do not think he can care for himself very well in this state.  I am truly a monster.

Brother is forcing me to accompany him and help out in Icecrown. I do not want to go. I'm here though so I guess he succeeded. I've been feeling horrible, I think everything here is a mirror of what must have happened. I don't remember the events though. Aiathias says it was different from what I remember. I need to throw it away to the past but I can't help this nagging feeling that something will happen. Something bad.

Aiathias and I went to the Bachelorette Auction that was going on in Silvermoon. I've been excited all week for it until we got there. Silvermoon gives me this feeling of dread that we were going to run into someone who knows who we are or recognizes us and then life will be even more hell. I admit that I was nervous almost the whole time. It did not help that the host coughed up some blood and took a snack break, returning with blood on his face. Capcakes help everything though. WE did win a girl! A troll even! But, Aiathias decided to be nice and had her be with the Orc we were bidding against. They seemed very happy to get that chance instead. There were people there that I am not too happy with. It was kind of a failure.

We decided to go back to helping Goblins in K3. K3 is this small Goblin town in the Storm Peaks. Things went well. Kind of. Something happened and I think I raged. I was pissed but when I woke up, was fine. Woke up in the mountains. In the snow. Now Aiathias won't talk to me. He's always doing this. I forgave him for the lying and now he's avoiding me. I do not get him. I hope sleep and a bath gets rid of the problems I've been having and one that just showed up.